when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
