you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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