Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
