that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
