Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
