Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
