its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
