weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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