FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
