I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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