Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
