I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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