Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
