exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
