I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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