she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
