he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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