I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
