ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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