Yo dont text me then not text me
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
