i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
