This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
