You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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