i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
His nipple licking is glorious
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