2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
