Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
