there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
