South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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