I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
