i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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