i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
