Your tits are I can't wait for
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
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Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
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remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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