So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
