if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Randomize
