If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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