You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
