My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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