He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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