Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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