I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
