Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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