I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
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Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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