I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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