I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
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RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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