mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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