I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
