You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
