i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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