i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
