I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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