Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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