i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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