im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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