yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Randomize
