And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
