Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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