Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
