you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just want nice things and good sex
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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