I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
