alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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