I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
