A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I see more hoeing in ur future
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