I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
two words: eviction party
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
