My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
