it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
