dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
