he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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