Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Two words: nipple clamps
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