Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
