sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
well you can't waste a boner
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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