Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
