It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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