wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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